Don't Be a Martyr

I recently, perhaps two months ago, started following "The FlyLady" in her endeavors to bring people's homes out of C.H.A.O.S (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome).  She talks a lot about cleaning/organization routines and baby steps.  I have to say that I've found a little bit of that sense of peace she talks about when you have control over your household duties.  [Check out her free website:  http://www.flylady.net/ ]

I found myself purchasing her book, Sink Reflections, on my Kindle because I so much enjoy reading her daily e-mail essays that she sends out to anyone who signs up.  There was a statement in the book that I really connected with:  "Don't be a martyr."

I'll give you the context...  FlyLady was discussing how we tend to get all worked up that while we try to clean up around the house, others in our family just leave their stuff around.  She said that we get disappointed and angry when the others don't contribute to the pursuit of cleanliness and we attempt to yell at them to get them going.  She poses the question of why we make ourselves martyrs, or victims.  Why can't we just pick up after the other person and not bother to yell at them to do it themselves?  Ok, so I can hear some of you wondering what planet this lady lives on and why she thinks that it's our job to clean up after everyone else!  Let me just tell you how right she is.

Have you heard the phrase, "If you want something done right, do it yourself"?  Have you ever seen this in action?  The scenario I'm talking about definitely fits the bill.  When you pick up after the other person, you are blessing them by taking care of it so they don't have to.  (You're also doing it the way *you* want it done!)  You don't get angry that they haven't done it and you don't yell at them for their lack of completing the task.  You just do it and get the result you want right away!  No stress!

Why should we play the victim/martyr and act as though we get hurt when the others don't contribute?  I started practicing this a few days ago, and I'm finding that I'm not as angry about things that are left about the house or office.  I'm actually getting happy about picking up after my husband (Shh!  Don't tell him!) because it makes me feel like I'm doing something for him.  I'm gifting him with not having to do it himself.  I can hear you telling me I'm crazy and that others around me will start to get super lazy when I do it all for them.  But in reality, I'm doing it for me.  *I* like it when the sink is empty and clean, when the laundry is done and put away, when the back porch is swept and we can relax outside in the evening.

So what have I learned so far in the FlyLady program?  Clean up after yourself.  Make and stick to routines.  Lots of things can get done in 15 minutes.  You bless your home when you clean it; you bless others when you do things for them (even when it's matching their socks or putting their coffee cup in the dishwasher).  You don't have to go crazy; just do a little at a time and jump in wherever you are.  What have I gained from the program?  My house is clean.  It's not perfect, but I can have people over ANYTIME.  (That means if you're in the area, feel free to stop by!)  I feel peaceful because the laundry isn't piled up, the kitchen sink is shining, and my bed is made.  And I can spend Saturday and Sunday with my husband, doing whatever we feel like doing, or crafting on my own if he's busy, because I'm not on a 48-hour cleaning mission!