I told you so!

Surely, you can name at least one scenario in your life where you said, "I told you so!"  It may have been that person that ended up getting fired (and you knew it was going to happen on their second day in the office), the test question that showed up on the exam (which you told your classmates was going to absolutely be on there), or the great idea that you should make tiny little appetizers instead of just getting catering for a party of 35.  This last one was me over the weekend, and it was my mother who said "I told you so!"  The party turned out just fine; the food was great, and everyone appreciated the effort.  However, it wasn't really worth the three days (and nights!) of prep and the expense of the food!  Needless to say, I felt pretty accomplished in my feat even though I probably would not do it again...  Well, maybe...

The reason I wanted to write on this topic is not for the things that you did or said that came true, but rather for the feeling on the part of the recipient of the "I told you so!".  Now, I can take criticism from my mother just fine because I know she's being totally honest with me (and in the future I will listen better!).  But there are people out there that get themselves into predicaments (that you had foreseen) where the results are not necessarily pleasant.  Put yourself in their shoes.  How do they feel when you tell them "I told you so!"?  Does that sheepish grin and the "I know, I know" comment hide another feeling?  Is it possibly they could feel hurt that you would so blatantly throw it back in their face?

I got a lot of good advice from my parents.  Of course, it took me a long time to realize that it was good advice, mostly because you need a certain degree of maturity to realize that everything does not always work best your way.  Anyway, my father once told me that it was a waste of time to give advice to other people.  As a naturally argumentative person, I wanted to know why he thought that was the case.  He cited an experience where he gave advice to someone, and they just went and did what they had proposed in the first place anyway.  Then they came back to him and said, "I should've done what you told me to..."  The waste of time lies in the effort you take to bother giving this person your own opinion.  People tend to do what they think of first; after all, isn't that why they tell you not to change your first answer on a test when you go back and review it?  Your gut instinct!  Too bad that sometimes your gut is having an off day!

I think that it is better to be a good listener than a good advisor.  Rarely will someone come back to you and say, "I did what you said" or "You gave me good advice."  They will, more often than not, tell you how great a listener you are, though!  And if you do take the option of giving advice, don't throw it back in the other person's face.  It's tough enough for them to come back to you and tell you about the less-than-ideal outcome.  So here's to us trying to listen without advising.